TOOL SEMI-TOUR KINDA ANNOUNCED!

In typical Tool fashion, the current reigning title-holders of “Best Band on the Planet” status have announced a mini U.S. tour for this summer with little fanfare or press hullabaloo. The first date of the tour — the rest of which was announced this morning on their head-scratchingly-still-stuck-in-2001-website — will take place on August 1st in New Jersey, and is actually part of the 3-day All Points West festival. The festival features a bunch of bands no one who reads this site will give a shit about (save possibly My Bloody Valentine; possibly some of you might be into this band, I’m looking at you Gary Suarez), which is quite frustrating as the rest of the country gets just Tool.

This blows an enormous, putrid, stinky bag of assholes, as one-day tickets are $89 + fees. It also means we’ll have to put up with obnoxious indie snobs who don’t appreciate the full awesomeness of The Tool. But considering I paid nearly $90 to see Tool on their own headline tour last time they came through town, I’m actually considering biting the bullet and showing up at night just to see Tool. Every time I seem them live is literally the best concert experience I’ve ever had. Tool rules that hard. Lasers!!!! Tooooooolllllll!!!!

For those who have no interest in seeing the best band currently in existence, you can catch Maynard on his bottle-signing tour of Whole Foods (!) this June, where he’ll be taking Sharpies to his very own line of Caduceus wines. Head on over to Metal Insider to see a list of dates.

-VN