EURONYMOUS TAKES HIS REVENGE FROM THE BEYOND, CASTS WOMAN AS VARG VIKERNES IN BLACK METAL MOVIE

So. Blabbermouth tells me that a) they are adapting the entertaining book Lords of Chaos, about the history of black metal, into a movie, and b) some kid I’ve never heard of, Jackson Rathbone, is going to play Varg Vikernes. And people are apparently really, really upset about this bit of casting, either because Rathbone is a “teen hearthrob” who was in Twilight (or How Stupid Mormon Vampire Books for Little Kids Taught me to Save Myself for Marriage), or because he’s prettier than most girls you see at a metal show and they don’t know how to deal with that tingly feeling in their penis.

Personally, I’m not really offended, because, y’know, the movies never get these things right. Dakota Fanning is going to play one of The Runaways, MTV wanted Ashton Kutcher to play Tommy Lee in The Dirt movie, and someone cast a vagina in the role of Johnny Cash a few years back, so bad casting decisions are nothing new. In fact, the last time I can remember anyone doing a decent job with one of these kinds of movies was when Gary Oldman played Sid Vicious, and if you believe Johnny Lyndon, that movie was all horse crap, too.

In other news, somewhere Euronymous is laughing his ass off.

-AR