MYLES KENNEDY’S* NO-BULLSH*T TAKE ON THE CREED REUNION (*AKA OURS)

Fresh off the heels of the announcement that Creed will be reuniting this Summer (sigh…), Myles Kennedy — aka the actually-quite-talented singer 3/4ths of Creed hired to replace Scott Stapp in their new band Alter Bridge — issued a press release clarifying the future of that band. Thankfully MetalSucks is here to cut through the bullshit and give you the real skinny; we sent the offending press release over to the gifted MS Mansion Monkeys to parse, and the following is what we got back (our snarky commentary in bold:

Many of you are wondering how this Creed reunion tour will affect the future of Alter Bridge. Oh God, I’m fucked.

No worries, it won’t. Jesus Christ am I fucked. More fucked than a choir boy in a Catholic church.

I can assure you that as soon as they finish in October, we will move forward. When Creed finishes their tour in October, they’re probably going to want to record another record… boy oh boy am I fucked.

Contrary to false statements that might lead you to believe otherwise, Alter Bridge continues to be paramount to the four of us. That is if by “the four of us” you mean “me;” in that case, then yes, Alter Bridge is paramount to the four of us.

The guys have my full support. Van flip.

It’s a very complex situation to say the least. It had to be done. Mark Tremonti, Scott Phillips and Brian Marshall gots to get paid, son!! Those fucking bastards.

I appreciate the fact that so many of you are concerned about our future. I’ll be taking PayPal donations if anyone wants to help a brotha out.

With that said, everything is going to be all right. This new gig at Starbucks should hold me over for now. Starbucks is getting into music now, you know?

Alter Bridge’s third record is well on its way. I started thinking about beginning to sit down to think about thinking about jamming on some new potential songs. They’re gonna sound rad!

The guys will embark on their reunion tour, I will make my record, and then we will carry on. I’ll make a solo record to keep myself from feeling like a complete loser, and hopefully by then Scott Stapp will be dead in a ditch. I’m fucked!

So. Creed reunion in 2009. Go figure.

-VN