IF CANNIBAL CORPSE TOUR WITH SIX FEET UNDER, WON’T THE UNIVERSE IMPLODE?

Alright. Last week one of you e-mailed me to tell me about this story (and my apologies that I don’t know your name – I’ve lost quite a lot of e-mails in this weekend’s server transfer), in which Obituary guitarist Trevor Peres revealed that his band has been trying to put together a package tour with great old school Floridian death metal bands including (beside Obituary, natch) Deicide, Morbid Angel, Six Feet Under… and Cannibal Corpse?

In case you’re retarded, just started listening to metal five minutes ago, or are only reading this site because you’re my mom and you want to show your support, Six Feet Under front man Chris Barnes was, once upon a time, the vocalist for Cannibal Corpse. (And, mom, if you are reading this: “front man” is synonymous with “vocalist.” And sorry I swear so much.)

Now: I can’t imagine this tour is actually going to happen, at least with that line-up. For one thing, I think Cannibal Corpse would have to be the headliners (although Obituary might not mind so much as long as they make the moolah). For another thing, I don’t think Barnes and his former bandmates in Corpse (or at least those who are still in the group) parted on good terms, and if they’ve since kissed and made up, I’m not aware of it.

Still: let’s pretend for a moment that this tour really did happen. Cannibal Corpse would HAVE to have Barnes on stage for at least a few songs, wouldn’t they? I mean, it would be criminal to have them in the same venue and not treat the audience to a rendition of “Hammer Smashed Face” the way it was meant to be heard, wouldn’t it?

It makes the hair on my testicles stand up just thinking about these kinds of “new line-up/old line-up” super tours. Of course that whole David Lee Roth/Sammy Hagar thing a few years back turned out to be more or less a total bust (Remember how Van Halen isn’t named after either of those dudes?), and multiple proposed Anthrax tours featuring both Joey Belladonna and John Bush fell apart, either because Belladonna wanted too much money, or Bush didn’t wanna tour with a douche turd, or whatever silly drama occured.

So: does anyone think this will actually happen? Does anyone besides me actually want it to happen? Weigh in below.

-AR