JOEY BELLADONNA’S GENITALIA WAS USED AS A MOLD FOR A BEST-SELLING DILDO

Or so says a screen grab from Belladonna’s Wikipedia entry taken by the intrepid metal shit-digger-uppers of Metal Inquisition. And why wouldn’t it be true? It’s on Wikipedia, Metal Inquisition said so, and it’s Joey Bella-fuckin-donna (side note: real name Bellardini!). But hey, the article is actually about the twice-ex-Anthrax singer’s house outside of Syracuse, NY:

The house has three bedrooms, was built in 1990, and has 2600 square feet of living space. Perhaps the most intriguing thing about the house is that it has no central air conditioning. I know that to our non American readers this may seem normal…but for a house in the US to not have A/C (particularly one this size that was built in 1990) is downright strange, even in upstate New York. Why would Joey not have air conditioning in his house? It could only be for one reason…

In order to recreate his glory days on stage with Anthrax, Joey parades around his house wearing the indian head dress as he orders people around with his tiny mic stand. “Kids, do the dishes. Take out the trash!” and then when the kids disobey him, he promptly yells out “NOT!” Due to the lack of A/C, Joey sweats profusely (as all Italians do), as he did on stage back then. In doing so, he replicates an Anthrax concert in the comfort of his home. As part of that recreation, he probably has cardboard cutouts of Anthrax members which he also orders around.

There’s something innocent and hilarious about Belladonna that just invites poking fun at him. He’s kind of become the Chuck Norris joke of our generation of metal (not to mention: John Bush 4evrrr!!!) Oh look, the same Wikipedia screen grab has this, too:

Joey’s hair can be fashioned into the only known weapon to have any impact on Chuck Norris.

-VN