SNOW-INSPIRED ANGEL DUST

So this one time a few years ago I randomly met this bizarro couple of an unsuspecting Indian dude and a very plus-sized middle-aged lady at a bar across the street from my old apartment. Old school reggae was blaring from the speakers, but the subject inevitably turned to metal, specifically our mutual love of Faith No More. It was decided that we would all go back to my apartment for a few night-cap beers and FNM listening sesh. When we arrived, said plus-sized middle-aged lady proceeded to whip out a bag of coke and cut some of the most equally plus-sized lines I have ever seen in my fucking life. The rest, as they say, is history.

ANYWAY, the MetalSucks Mansion Monkeys are hard at work on a time machine to bring me and Axl back in time to see Faith No More on the Angel Dust tour — but for now, this ripping MTV in-studio live performance of “Caffeine” will have to do. Note: Mike Patton’s ironic trucker hat 10 years before Ashton Kutcher and Williamsburg hipsters jumped on the bandwagon.

-VN