GEE, I WISH THEY’D AT LEAST GIVE DYING A SHOT

THERE’S AN NSFW IMAGE AFTER THE JUMP. YOU’RE WARNED.

Too Pure to Die’s Confess has got to be the first contender for worst album of 2009.

This album is so bad, I wouldn’t even give my copy away. There’s no one I hate that much.

You always hear bands saying how they wanna record the next Reign in Blood or the next Master of Puppets. Listening to Confess, it seems as though Too Pure to Die wanted to record the next Bury Your Dead. And still failed.

The record was co-produced by Zeuss (Shadows Fall, Kingdom of Sorrow, etc.) and Hatebreed’s Jamey Jasta, but you have to think that those two dudes could have found something better to do with their talents. Like produce anything that wasn’t this record.

The good cop vocals don’t sound like they have any auto tune, but they could have used it.

At a running time of 31 minutes and 37 seconds, this album is a mere 31 minutes and 37 seconds too long.

Seriously. I’d rather listen to that “MetalSucks is Run by Cunts” mp3 for half an hour.

Fuck this album.

(Blow Me out of Five Horns)

-AR