PRESS RELEASE: “F*CKING EVERYBODY SIGNS WITH KOCH RECORDS”

It seems like every day we get a press release here at the MS Mansion announcing that some respectable metal band has signed to Koch Records. High On Fire, Satyricon and Throwdown are the latest crop, having all signed to Koch within the past few weeks. Add that to the already formidable metal roster of In Flames, Otep, Hatebreed and Straight Line Stitch… despite a couple of admittedly terrible bands in that bunch, from a business perspective that’s some serious fucking firepower there, all added within the last year, give or take.

So what the hell is going on over there?

It would seem the man in charge is Scott Givens, who joined up with Koch as the “VP of Metal” in March of 2007 (see the announcement on Blabbermouth). I don’t know the guy personally, but dudeman deserves a serious high-five (or several) for turning a joke of a record label into a metal powerhouse. We aren’t sure how he gets all these bands to sign with Koch — giant advances, daily blowjobs, crack, who the fuck knows — but dude, whatever you’re doing, keep at it. Any time a label like Koch is investing so heavily in metal is a good time for the metal industry indeed.

-VN