AND DID YOU F*CKING KNOW THAT THE “HAPPY” IS IN F*CKING QUOTES?!?

Dude. Did anyone else know that Scott Weiland has a new solo album coming out two days after the release of Chinese Democracy? What the fuck? I wonder what it’s like to be Slash this week. Seriously. Is he pissed off that these two assholes get to live? Scared of the success they might achieve without him? Does he even know the albums are coming out, or is too busy having tea with Ozzy? Does SCOTT even know that Scott’s album is coming out??? The mind boggles.

So, about that Scott Weiland album: it has the stupidest title ever. I’m not exaggerating. I literally can’t think of a stupider album title. It’s called “Happy” in Galoshes. Those quotes would seem to suggest that Scott isn’t really happy in galoshes, the same way there’s no such thing as chinese democracy. Weird! (I watch L O S T. Can you tell?)

ANYWAY, the entire album is actually streaming on Weiland’s MySpace page. It’s actually better than I thought it would be. I mean, it’s brazenly bland and confidently cheesy, but I don’t mind cheesy so much, and some of the choruses are kinda catchy. I think Vince might argue me on this one – he’s a much bigger Weiland fan than I am – but really, “not as bad as I thought it would be” is the best I’m prepared to offer right now. (Side note: Weiland’s lyrics actually make more sense when he’s strung out. Double weird!!!)

But on a serious note: I just wanna say “mazel tov” to Weiland for still being alive five months after I saw him give the most embarrassing performance I’ve ever seen in my friggin’ life. Didn’t think you’d make it, buddy. So lemme ask you this: whatcha got against galoshes?

-AR