OPEN LETTER FROM EVERY TIME I DIE TO AXL ROSE

We aren’t sure which member of Buffalo, NY metal warriors Every Time I Die wrote the below “official” press release we received today, but we’d like to think it’s axe-slinger Andy Williams, if only because of his ginormous, manlier-than-thou, f’ing awesome beard:

November 3rd, 2008

An Open Letter to Axl Rose Ending With an Impression of Howard Dean,
Thanks a shitload Axl. You haven’t put out a GNR record in 10 years and the month we decide to go out on a tour cleverly named NOVEMBER REIGN, you find it prime time for “Chinese Democracy” to hit shelves. You couldn’t have waited another 3 weeks? We haven’t done a single headlining tour on “The Big Dirty” so this was a really big deal for us. You should have seen Josh’s face light up when he thought of the name. The guys in THE BRONX and STICK TO YOU [sic] GUNS were happier than pigs in shit to be a part of this epic journey across the east coast. But you just couldn’t stand to see us happy.
Buckethead probably wouldn’t have stolen our thunder. And when I met Matt Sorum at House of Guitars like 16 years ago, he came off as a real nice dude
who would be glad to let us have November to ourselves. Well fuck it, we’re doing it anyways. Starting November 1st, we’re going to Quebec City! and
then we’re going to Milwaukee! And then we’re going to JOPLIN AND NASHVILLE AND RICHMOND AND THEN WE’RE GOING TO FARMINGDALE TO TAKE BACK THE
CRAZY DONKEY!!! BEYYYYYAAAWWW!!!!!
love every time i die.
ps. you rock.

Full tour dates, featuring Every Time I Die, The Bronx, and Stick To Your Guns, after the jump.

Nov 1 2008
L’ANTI Quebec City, Quebec

Nov 2 2008
Club Soda Montreal, Quebec

Nov 3 2008
Babylon Ottawa, Ontario

Nov 4 2008
Opera House Toronto, Ontario

Nov 5 2008
Call the Office London, Ontario

Nov 6 2008
The Intersection Grand Rapids, Michigan

Nov 7 2008
Turner Hall Ballroom Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Nov 8 2008
Picador Iowa City, Iowa

Nov 9 2008
Blue Note Columbia, Missouri

Nov 11 2008
Diamond Ballroom Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

Nov 12 2008
The Foundry Music Theatre Joplin, Missouri

Nov 13 2008
New Daisy Theatre Memphis, Tennessee

Nov 14 2008
Rocketown Nashville, Tennessee

Nov 15 2008
Handlebar Greenville, South Carolina

Nov 17 2008
Cat’s Cradle Carrboro, North Carolina

Nov 18 2008
The Soapbox Laundrolounge Wilmington, North Carolina

Nov 19 2008
The Canal Club Richmond, Virginia

Nov 20 2008
Recher Theatre Towson, Maryland

Nov 21 2008
School of Rock South Hackensack, New Jersey

Nov 22 2008
The Crazy Donkey Farmingdale, New York

Nov 23 2008
Lost Horizon Syracuse, New York