FRED DURST WOULD LIKE TO THANK THE ACADEMY

The Limp Bizkit flow masta’s cinematic opus The Longshots opens today, and, as you can see, it’s getting rave reviews in the press:

“Worth mentioning is that the movie was directed by the Limp Bizkit frontman Fred Durst. ‘Dude, give me some of that Hollywood magic music,’ one imagines this hard-core rocker, in his capacity as cheesy family-film hack, saying to his (uncredited) composer. ‘Nah, man, a little more sentimental and sparkly. That’s it! Now put it everywhere, man. Awesome. Work it out, dude, I’m going to lunch.’

-Nathan Lee, The New York Times

“Unfortunately, director Fred Durst blends all of these time-honored components with the same skill level that he brought to the stage with his crappy band Limp Bizkit.”

-Drew Toal, Time Out New York

“A surprisingly tepid directorial effort by Limp Bizkit nu-metal rocker Fred Durst, pic seldom deviates from the genre-cliche playbook.”

-Joe Leydon, Variety

“In the ’90s, Ice Cube and Limp Bizkit co-headlined the Family Values Tour as, respectively, a rap legend and the nadir of music up to that point. Cube and Bizkit frontman-cum-filmmaker Fred Durst reteam for The Longshots, canceling each other out into total mediocrity.”

-Vadim Rizov, The Village Voice

If anyone actually goes to a theater and sees this drek over the weekend, let us know. And may God take mercy on your soul.

-AR