DALLAS’ TAKE ON THE POISON / DEF LEPPARD FEUD

I’ve lost track of how many of these blogs I’ve done so far. I used to number them but now I don’t know what number I’m up to. Speaking on the phone with Vince, we both realized I’d been doing this blog for over six months and it blew my mind.

Where does the time go?

I let the cat out of the bag when I mentioned we were covering a MUSE song. I’m not sure if I should have told everyone but I don’t think that information needed to have a chastity belt on it. Just to clarify though, the cover is NOT going on the album. We just recorded the song for some extra diddies and maybe some extra sack action! Women love angelic voices and skinny dudes with pale skin. We’re the exact opposite of that but maybe sack action can be in our future because of that song! I’m sure MUSE will hear our cover and say in an English accent, “Ian, these niggas have ruined a fucking classic…”

Ok, enough heehawing. On to the real news! I was blown away by the Poison vs. Def Leppard debacle. I mean come the fuck on. What the hell is our world coming to? Remember East Coast vs. West Coast rap? Motherfuckers were getting shot. Back then it was who was the hardest most stone cold motherfuckers out there. With Poison and Def Leppard this shit reminds me of one of those Ben Stiller movies like Zoolander or Tropic Thunder. What are they fighting about? Who sucks worse? What over-40 chick wants you more?

For the record, I think Poison is shit. Def Leppard isn’t bad. I’ve never liked 80’s hair metal. Back when I was a young kid living with my mom all I listened to was Young MC, Chubb Rock and Public Enemy. I sneaked in some Kriss Kross here or there. I literally wrote down all the lyrics to Young MCs ‘Principal Office’. Yeah, I was a nerd in my own right. When I first heard rock music, it was the 80’s hair metal. And even before I knew what homosexuality was the first thing that popped into my head was “GAY!” Rikki Rocket and Bret Michaels are angry that Joe Elliott thinks their music lacks substance? This confused me for days. Rikki and Bret, you might as well get mad at the whole world. Your shit is garbage.

This little feud is a sign of how pathetic a time we live in. When Rikki Rocket (does anyone know his real name?) gets puffed up about what Joe Elliott says, I wonder if he’s forgetting that he’s selling out arenas every night when they go on tour. I wonder why it really bothers him. I wonder why he’s getting angry cause, sadly, no one in either camp is going to catch a bullet from the other side. I want to see a Danzig type beat down on YouTube. Imagine this little headline: “The drummer of Def Leppard kicks Rikki Rocket’s ass with one arm!” Now that’s some shit to see!

Bret Michaels bothers me now too. I never had a problem with him until that show Rock Of Love. The first season was pretty cool. He picked a good looking girl and it was pretty dope to envision that girl on my lap every single week. But on the last season his judgment went down the drain. Those last two girls were atrocious! I love VH1 just like anyone else. I want to see bitch fights. Def Leppard and Poison just gave me the best one I’ve seen in a long time! Did any of you laugh as hard as I did when I saw how NOT dangerous that little back and forth was?

Once again, I have to thank Blabbermouth for some spicy, undangerous gossip. Undangerous isn’t even a word but I think Def Leppard and Poison just created it. Stephen Colbert would be proud! For now, I’ve got to get the rock out of here!

Peace!