OK, SERIOUSLY THIS TIME: OZZFEST WILL BE A ONE DAY EVENT

So while it was rumored for awhile that this year’s edition of Ozzfest would be a two day event – but it has now been announced that it’ll be just one single day, on Saturday, August 9, at at Pizza Hut Park* in Dallas, Texas. The line-up will be as follows:

Main Stage
OZZY OSBOURNE
METALLICA
SERJ TANKIAN
HELLYEAH
JONATHAN DAVIS
CAVALERA CONSPIRACY
SHADOWS FALL
APOCALYPTICA
IN THIS MOMENT
All-Star Tribute To “Dimebag” Darrell Abbott

Second Stage
SEVENDUST
DEVILDRIVER
KINGDOM OF SORROW
SOILENT GREEN
WITCHCRAFT
GOATWHORE

Texas (Third) Stage
THE SWORD
DROWNING POOL
RIGOR MORTIS

Actually, that is, by no means, a terrible line-up; if the stages are staggered at all (and I imagine they will be), it would be plenty easy to keep oneself occupied during sets from In This Moment, Jonathan Davis, and HellNo. And I guess it’s honorable of Metallica to let Ozzy play last, even though, at this point, a) they’re much bigger than Ozzy and b) Ozzy has to be in bed by 8 pm. I mean, if I was Ozzy, and I’d spent recent Ozzfests getting blown off the stage by the likes of Maiden and Priest, I certainly wouldn’t wanna follow Metallica. But, y’know, nice of Ulrich and Hetfield to step aside for one night and let the Ozzman cometh.

Still, there’s something about the statement from Sharon Osbourne that reeks of, well, total bullshit:

“Ozzy just finished an 11-month world tour so I think he deserves a summer off… We’re going to be a stadium destination festival for now–we have gone past doing the sheds every summer. We’ve given everyone else the blueprint and we have to keep evolving OZZFEST. This is just the beginning; AEG Live and I have a lot of new ideas for OZZFEST.”

So, um, since when did Sharon care about Ozzy getting a summer off? Her own brother said she’ll make him play and play and play until he dies. And “we have gone past doing the sheds” seems very high and mighty, considering this tour was basically run out of town on a rail by the trillions of other package tours (which she kinda admits, albeit in a condescending way, when she says “We’ve given everyone else the blueprint.”).

Some other quick, random thoughts:

• Poor Drowning Pool. Weren’t they playing the main stage just a few years back?
• Aren’t Hatebreed contractually obligated to play every Ozzfest from now until Ozzy dies? Why aren’t they on the bill?
• Are Apocalyptica really that big?
• Poor Ben Falgoust is gonna be tired.

So will this Ozzfest be a success? Does anyone even care anymore? I guess we’ll find out come August 9.

-AR

*Our justice system isn’t the only thing at the whim of dollar signs.