MATT SORUM’S FIRST POST-VELVET REVOLVER PROJECT: BEING A TOTAL DOUCHE TURD

If somehow you still haven’t accepted that Velvet Revolver will soon be deader than Heath Ledger, well, then, you should see a doctor, because there’s an above average chance that you’re legally retarded. First Slash released a tell-all and started mumbling about a solo project, then Scott Weiland announced that after his latest trip to rehab he’d be doing a STP reunion, then Duff McKagan declared that he was re-starting his old band Loaded, and now Matt Sorum has made plans to launch… a clothing line. I guess he couldn’t get his job in The Cult back. Again.

In a statement, Sorum made the following comments in order to ensure that no one who actually likes good rock music will ever take him seriously again:

• “John Varvatos, who has become a really good friend of mine, gave me the courage to think that [I could be successful in the fashion business].”
• “I’m really into suits. I was always inspired by the actor Tony Curtis. He always looked impeccable. He was a master of style.”
• “I designed a leather jacket especially for Slash that has this special pocket for his Gitanes cigarettes and his lighter. And he loves it. And we’re going to make that available to buy.”

Dropping the name of a shit head fashion designer no one cool actually thinks is cool? Saying you aspire to dress like an actor who once appeared in the most latently-homosexual movie of all time before siring a hermaphrodite? Telling us you’re going to sell a coat you friend tells you he loves because it’s polite for him to say so? Gimme a break.

Oh, well. I guess we shouldn’t be too surprised – sometime after getting fired from GN’R in ’97, Matt Sorum cut his hair and started dressing like the Queer Eye for the Straight Guy victim you see above (uh, that is, like a “metrosexual”).

Well, now we know what four out of five members of Velvet Revolver plan to do with all that spare time they’re about to have. Actually, for all I know, Dave Kushner has announced post-Velvet Revolver plans, and people care even less than we thought they would.

-AR