GENE SIMMONS MAKES LOVE WITH HIS SHIRT ON

Dude. I wanna see a Gene Simmons sex tape like I wanna hafta look at Goatse ever again, y’know? But allegedly there’s a tape of him going at it with some “model” no one has ever actually heard of is floating around out there. You can see a small, not very interesting still of it in the photo here, or you can actually watch it for about ten bucks.

Now, obviously, The Artist Formerly Known as Chaim Witz leaked this video himself – in fact, I have to seriously question the intelligence of anyone who thinks that Simmons is not getting a piece of this action. If he gets people to pay ten bucks for this thing, it’ll be the first piece of merchandising to actually make me wish for a worldwide plague since the Kiss Kasket.

-AR