EVAN SEINFELD PULLS HIS DICK OUT OF TERA PATRICK LONG ENOUGH TO DO BIOHAZARD REUNION

Yeah yeah yeah, Evan Seinfeld has done lots of “legitimate” acting since Biohazard fell apart, like an appearance on Oz and voice work for the upcoming Grand Theft Auto IV video game, but let’s be real: all his post-metal fame stems from the fact that he’s married to, and is the on-screen partner for, porn star Tera Patrick. That’s right: the man now blows his load all over his wife’s face for a living. Somebody had to say it.

I guess Evan must be running dry, though, because they’ve announced that Biohazard, the Noo Yawk band that may have inadvertently paved the way for Limp Bizkit, is jumping on the Summer 2008 reunion bandwagon, where they’ll be featured alongside the already-announced kiss n’ make-up concerts by Carcass and At the Gates. Who will care about Biohazard more than Carcass or At the Gates is beyond me, but I imagine they’ll all end up on the same European summer festival circuit soon.

-AR