HEAVY METAL HANUKKAH: NIGHT 7 OF 8

Congrats to MetalSucks winners Tom Wills and Seth Roberts for winning Heavy Metal Hannukah Nights 5 and 6. Seth’s answer to the question “What metal band would be the favorite of Judah the Maccabee?” was so detailed and well thought-out that we’ve actually published it in its entirety after the jump.

For tonight’s seventh night of Hannukah we’ve got another mystery prize from Century Media and MetalSucks. All you have to do to win is email vince [at] metalsucks.net the answer to this question, with HANUKKAH 7 in the subject line:

Who is your favorite Jewish metal star and why?

You’ve got until 5:30pm EST tomorrow, December 11 to enter, and we’ll choose the best answer. Don’t forget to include your name and address so we can send you the prize!

Hey Axl,

So I think it is clear to me, that if Judah the Maccabee was around
today, his favorite metal band would be Avenged Sevenfold. Thats right
Axl, I said it, and I’m not just kissing your ass either. The parallels
are striking:

1) Against all odds, Judas led his outmanned army to victory in the
battle of Emmaus. Eluding General Gorgias (who aimed to slaughter his
encampment via cavalry), Judas maneuvered around and launched a surprise attack on the Seleucid camp, pushing the enemy back to the coast.
Similarly, against all odds, A7x has managed to hit the mainstream and
still maintain a dedicated fanbase of people who purport to know
something about metal, such as yourself and Vince. Their music, when it
randomly comes up on my ipod due to the Headbangers ball compilation I
have on there, manages to drive me to the edge of insanity (a feeling
that General Gorgias must have been feeling). Both of these outcomes
continue to astound me.

2) Chanukah, although an extremely fun holiday to celebrate, is
undoubtedly the most overrated holiday in the jewish reportoire. It is
widely recognized that its importance lies somewhere between Sukkot and
Purim, and yet it is treated as if it is the most important celebration
of the year. Similarly, despite overall mediocrity and irrelevance in
the metal scene, A7x is viewed by most of the uninitiated as the
forerunner of modern metal. If you ask someone who doesnt know about
metal to name a metal band, they’ll most likely name Metallica. If you
ask someone under 17, they’ll most likely say A7x. If you ask a jew
what the most important holiday is, they’ll say Yom Kippur, if you ask a
non-jew, they’ll say Chanukah.

3) Honestly, I think A7x would just be great music to have as a
soundtrack to a bunch of jews beating somebody down. I mean, the
thought of M. Shadows covered in makeup and primped hair clenching his
fist and singing “Bat Country” while thousands of outmanned Jews fight
for their lives is about as comedic as major battle can be. Plus I get
to visualize Judas throwing a spear through Shadows’ fucking skull. Now
thats entertainment.

Good work, Seth!

-VN