METALLICA COURTING THE ONLY AUDIENCE LEFT THAT DOESN’T KNOW THEY SUCK NOW: FIFTEEN YEAR OLDS WHO PLAY ROCK BAND

I know it’s wrong to rag on Rock Band – I’ve never even played it, and I certainly loves me some Guitar Hero – but the news that Metallica may debut their new single via the video game rubs me so raw you’d think I was an adolescent kid’s dick right after he discovered jerking off but before he became aware of the joys of doing so with vasoline.

I’m not even sure why this not-even-an-official-announcement-yet pisses me off so bad; I mean, it doesn’t effect me at all. Someone will still rip the song and put it on the net within a matter of hours anyway, and since that’s pretty much how I was gonna hear the song to begin with (yeah, like I listen to the radio… HA!), what friggin’ difference does it make?

Is it just the thought of Metallica indulging in yet another corporate cash-in? Is it the fear that when the song is inevitably St. Anger-bad some kids who love the game will mistake it for being good? Am I just jealous that I don’t own Rock Band? While I wrestle with these issues, feel free to debate the merit (or lack thereof) or putting out a new single in such a fashion in our “comments” section.

-AR