ROB ZOMBIE’S HALLOWEEN: THE REVIEWS ARE IN – AND THEY’RE AWFUL!

I won’t get to see this flick until sometime between now and Labor Day, but if all this morning’s reviews are any indication, I might actually be better off taking the eleven bucks I’m gonna use for the ticket and wiping my ass with it. You can get a complete summary of all the shitty reviews over at Rotten Tomatoes, but here are some excerpts from my favorite, written by Devin Faraci at CHUD:
“There’s something else that must be addressed before proclaiming Rob Zombie’s Halloween to be the worst film of the year: the idea that my stance on this film comes from an inability to let go of John Carpenter’s original film. The people who believe this will likely be of the opinion that Zombie has made a film that exceeds Carpenter’s; these people are morons. So while I’ll talk more about this later in the review, lets’ get this out of the way: Rob Zombie’s Halloween would have been awful garbage even if John Carpenter had never been born… Halloween is, objectively speaking and without thinking about the original, a crummy film. As a remake of the Carpenter movie it’s a heinous abortion.”

You really should just go ahead and read Faraci’s entire review; he’s a good writer, a witty writer, an insightful critic, and, best of all, he even manages to make reference to a Metallica lyric. Awesome.

-AR