RIDE THE LAWSUIT: METALLICA SUE MAKERS OF GUITAR HERO III, ROCK BAND VIDEO GAMES

Are the guys in Metallica just preternaturally unable to act in their own best interest? You’d think they’d have learned their lesson from the PR disaster that was their crusade to destroy Napster (and prosecute many of their own fans), but no: DailyGaming.net now reports that they’re suing the makers of the upcoming Guitar Hero III and Rock Band video games, which are both scheduled to include the song “One”:

“The suit alleges that both companies planned to package and distribute Metallica music through their video games in what lawyers characterized as a ‘licensed music to player’ system, or LM2P network. Metallica is fearful that album sales could decline if their fans were able to simply walk into any Gamestop or Best Buy and purchase an $80 video game that contained one of their songs.”

Have Metallica finally gone completely retarded? Why the fuck would these video games hurt their record sales? Let’s look at some facts:

• Even if Metallica were successful in their war against Napster, they in no way, shape or form posses the ability to put an end to all P2P networks; therefore, illegal downloading of their music will continue anyway from now until pretty much the end of time, thereby rendering their fight against a bunch of toy makers a total waste of energy.
• Metallica have made their entire discography available for legal download on iTunes; therefore, it is highly unlikely that anyone with an I.Q. high enough to allow them not to constantly drool all over themselves wouldn’t just download the song for .99 cents instead of paying 80 bucks for a video game – unless they were purchasing the game because they want to, y’know, play it.
• Metallica AGREED TO LET THE SONG BE USED BEFORE HAND AND EVEN ANNOUNCED IT ON THEIR OWN WEBSITE!!! As the attorney for the makers of Guitar Hero III states: “Our company paid a licensing fee to feature the track ‘One’ by Metallica… We don’t understand why Metallica would turn around and sue us, unless they’ve gone from insane to completely batshit insane since 2001, but we’re confident that the law and our contracts will be enough to have this thrown out.”

In conclusion: Metallica are either a) total fucktards, b) scumbag douche turds, c) pawns of their record label, or d) all the above.

FUCK YOU, Metallica. You’ve broken my heart again.

-AR