BOARD TO DEATH: Black Label Society

It’s time for another great edition of “Board to Death,” in which we examine – and by “examine,” I mean “poke fun at” – what obsessive fans are saying on various band message boards. This week, we get down n’ dirty with Black Label Society “berzerkers.”

Over at the official BLS message board, iceman51999 has declared that “BLS NEEDS TO GO BACK TO ITS HEAVY METAL ROOTS“: “Zakk and the boys need to kick our asses next time with a balls to wall kick ass album.BLS can play heavy metal better than anybody bar none,Zakk a little advice from a hardcore fan bring back the 1919 eternal style of heavy, with 2 solos on every song.I think from what I can gather on other sites NICK will be contributing on this album during writing original material and heavy as hell riffs

5 minute songs of pure brutality and whammy bar hell and faster than lightning solos is what got me hooked on ZAKK since he first hooked up with OZZY AND LATER WITH BLS.Not only do we as fans need this type of music BUT THE REST OF THE METAL SCENE NEEDS IT AS WELL ”

Well, this suggestion just doesn’t sit well with Metal Disciple, the self-declared “Queen of Sorrow.” She apparently holds Zakk in the same regard Ben holds Jacob on Lost: “Um, dude, I’m going to give you an honest shot at making it on this board, first off, don’t ever address Zakk, he doesn’t like that and won’t respond. He’s pretty big on the whole ‘don’t speak unless spoken to.’” In other words: Zakk isn’t a man you go see; Zakk is a man who summons you.

The iceman51999 cometh back: “Its a frigging message board thats what you do man is voice your opinion. Believe me your fooling yourself if you dont think ZAKK dont read this board.If you have ever been to BLS concert or been around the band they all welcome our opinions.That what family is all about it.” Yeah! METAL! That is what family is all about it!

The greenman – who, you guessed it, only types in green – pipes in: “There is plenty of balls to the walls shit on the market.Alot of it dont mean nothing.Zakk gives us metal and heart.I dont know about some of you,but i appreciate that BLS gives to me on a personal level.There is more to life than what meets the eye.” Life is like Transformers, bro. Very poetic.
Mikey_McT also defends Zakk’s artistic growth: “You cant restrict a man with his song writing talent to just one genre of music or just one sound. Plus he just wont do that, Zakk aint going to fold to pressure just because some people didnt like the sound (unlike Metaliica).” So, uh, I guess Metallica are no longer making records like Load because they gave into fan pressure. Which I guess is kinda true, except that in this case fan pressure was really just for them to make an album that doesn’t suck.

Unless Mikey means the Swedish band “Metaliica.” In which case I apologize.

The greenman now comes back to put an end to the debate: “It doesnt matter!Lighten up have a beer!” Right on, dude. Right on.

-AR