BOARD TO DEATH: Dimmu Borgir

It’s time for another great edition of “Board to Death,” in which we examine – and by “examine,” I mean “poke fun at” – what obsessive fans are saying on various band message boards. This week, we get a glimpse into the minds of Dimmu Borgir fans.

I like Dimmu Borgir, but black metal fans might be the funniest fans in the world, if for no other reason than because I can’t understand at least 90% of what they’re talking about any given moment.

To wit: over at Dimmu Borgir’s official message board, a fan calling him or herself DarkDream has started a thread entitled “Dimmu’s eerieness.” DarkDream would like to know: “Asking as a fan of eerie/mysterious sounding bands, would you describe them, or at least some of their music as being eerie sounding compared with most bands? And if so, which do you think are their most eerie sounding albums and/or songs?”

Hm. Question seems simple enough. Let’s see what the other Dimmu fans have to say.

Morning Star replies: “Raabjorn Speiler Draugheimens Skodde.”

Uh… okay.

Ghoulen goes on: “Inn I evighetens morke.”

Huh?

Man in Black pipes in: “Under Korpens Vinger.”

HUH?

Mezziah777 goes on: “Raabjorn Speiler Draugheims Skodde.”

HUH??? Everyone is speaking in some super secret Norwegian Black Metal Code, right? I mean, at this point I’m tempted to post my own reply: “Vasdjnuasd Hjusti’lmf Makkajow,” maybe, or “Ghw0njasd-jnfnw Lfiun832nfakja Bahusdn.” I’m, like, 60% sure everyone would just agree with me.

In any case, DarkDream now returns to see how many times he can use the word “eerie” in one post: “…what aspects about them is it that you think makes them sound more eerie than the later ones? For me I think it’s the eerie sounds used in the keyboards that provides the main part of the eerieness.”

Geez. “Eerie” is one of those words that just loses all meaning after awhile.

But it’s Dauge Mage who has the cojones to suggest: “Dimmu aren’t that eerie at all.” Now, there’s something I understand.

-AR