AXL ROSE THINKS HE’S GOD, AND NO ONE IN NEW ZEALAND WILL TELL HIM OTHERWISE

Axl Rose and Scott Weiland die a few months apart. Weiland goes up to Heaven he’s being greeted at the gate by Gabriel and Gabriel says: ‘God’s really dug a lot of your music and he wants to make sure that you’re comfortable. If there’s anything you need, you come to me, I’m your man.’ And Weiland says, ‘Well, you know, I always wanted to meet Axl Rose. I’ve got a few things to say to him. Do you think you could arrange that?’ And Gabriel looks at him and says: ‘You know, Scott, of all the things that you could ask for, why would you ask for that? You know that Axl doesn’t take meetings.’ Weiland says, ‘Well, you said that if there was anything I wanted.’ Gabriel says: ‘I’m really sorry. I can’t do that.’ So now he’s showing him around heaven and Weiland sees this guy with red hair riding a bicycle. And Weiland says to Gabriel: ‘Oh, my God, look, over there, that’s Axl. Couldn’t we just stop him and say hello?’ And Gabriel pulls Weiland to the side and says, ‘That’s not Axl Rose; that’s God — he just thinks he’s Axl Rose.’

It’s an old joke and the names are pretty interchangeable (the first time I heard it, it was with Steven Spielberg and Stanley Kubrick), but my point is this: sixteen years since he last released an album of original material, Axl Rose is still one the most powerful figures in rock. And, as if to prove that point, Auckland city officials are actually changing train, bus, and ferry schedules to accommodate the Ginger One’s habit of going on really, really, really late.

-AR