SOMEBODY PLEASE KILL KILLWHITNEYDEAD DEAD

Look: I’m as much for beating and torturing women as the next fella*, and you gotta admire a band that has the wit to name one of their songs “It Ain’t Gonna Suck Itself” AND the mad skillz to play metalcore riffs that sound exactly like a trillion other bands, but, really: this band blows goats. Thrashmag.com compared their album to Master of Puppets and called them “possibly one of the greatest bands to ever breathe in the maleficent air of this world,” but all that tells us is that Thrashmag.com obviously has zero credibility. The truth is, Killwhitneydead’s gratuitous reliance on using samples of movie dialogue – often, not even good movie dialogue – is so fucking disruptive to the music, so asinine, so, well, DUMB, it makes me want to break all the band member’s fingers. I don’t know how that would solve the problem, but it might make me feel better.

Anyways, screw this band. They suck.

Visit Killwhitneydead on MySpace. Better yet, don’t.

-AR

*This is a joke. If you don’t get that, please never visit this site again. You’re a moron and we don’t need your business, thank you.