I THINK IF I SPENT AS MUCH TIME PLAYING ACTUAL GUITAR AS I DO PLAYING GUITAR HERO…

…I could actually be a guitar hero.

Think about it: yours truly, Axl Rosenberg, could be the newest axe shredder to play alongside Ozzy, joining the immortal ranks of Tony Iommi, Randy Rhodes, Jake E. Lee, Zakk Wylde, and Joe Holmes (okay, maybe not Joe Holmes). Or I could be one of the 100,253,724 guitar players to have played alongside Axl Rose in Guns N’ Roses! Or, I could, at the very least, have Kerri Kelli’s career.

Here’s what I love about this game: when I’m playing with my “band,” Skullfuc (I wanted the band to be called “Skullfuck,” but I accidentally pressed the “start” button too soon and can’t figure out how to change it), I have to be completely in the moment if I wanna do a good job. I can’t get distracted by other shit, like how poor I am, how bad my job sucks, how my mom is going deaf, how totally fucked our public school system is, and how consequently I encountered multiple people yesterday who had no fucking clue who Jerry Falwell was (actually, I can kinda live with that last part).

Also: playing “Possum Kingdom” over and over and over again until I got it perfect reminded how much I used to really, really like the Toadies.

-AR