COLD & MISERABLE

At least here in NYC, it’s fucking cold out today. How cold? You’d think my dick was in the witness protection program, it’s gone so deep into hiding.

My point is this: it’s a good day to stay indoors. Maybe catch-up on some reading. My recommendation: the “Thirsty & Miserable” column that Iann Robinson used to write for Metal Sludge (back when Metal Sludge was still funny, informative, and updated on a regular basis). Robinson, you may recall, was the only cool VJ on MTV after about 1992/93, the drummer for the band Puny Human who wasn’t afraid to tell it like it was. Everyone thought he’d end up hosting Headbanger’s Ball if they ever brought it back, but, instead, they fired him from the network (and Puny Human). Such is life.

Still, Robinson was a totally awesome columnist for Metal Sludge, winning his spot on the sight after winning not one, but TWO coveted “Super Balls” Awards for his 20 Questions and Rewind interviews. Love him or hate him, the guy knew his shit. Here’s a sample:

“I’d like to cut the hands off of everybody in Velvet Revolver to make sure they never make music again, ever. I’d like to snap the necks of the guys in Maroon 5 and throw each member of The Vines into the ocean… The Sounds need to be slapped until they promise never to make music ever again. Melissa Auf Der Mar- the prom queen of rock- should be locked in a cage with Courtney Love to fight to the death and the winner gets to be killed. It’d be fun to grab Avril Lavigne by the ankles and use her to beat Ryan Adams to death.”

Great stuff. You can check out Robinson’s old column here.

-AR