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HAIR CARE 101 WITH RONNIE JAMES DIO

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HAIR CARE 101 WITH RONNIE JAMES DIO

Being a metal master isn’t easy; that skullet certainly doesn’t take care of itself. That’s why we decided to track down Ronnie James Dio* of Heaven and Hell to find out the secrets behind rocking metal’s most metal hair-do, the almighty skullet. Ronnie was kind enough to share his tips and tricks behind his luscious locks with other aspiring skulleteers for the benefit of metal and mankind.

1) A high pressure showerhead

Ladies and gentlemen, do not be victimized by flaccid water pressure! A wise man named Cosmo Kramer knows the real deal, that a good showerhead is key to achieving the hair vibrance you’re looking for and that a crappy one can really ruin your day. I recommend the “Large Ultimate” model at HighPressureShowerHeads.com. That motherfucker packs a wallop bigger than Bill Ward socking himself in the face during a drunken rager. Best of all it’s built with nearly a pound of chrome-plated solid brass. THAT is metal.

HAIR CARE 101 WITH RONNIE JAMES DIO2) Amplify 4-step Volumizing System

Let’s face it; I’m no spring chicken. At this age, my hair needs a little extra oomph to be worthy of the horns. That’s why I use Amplify 4-Step Volumizing System. You might have to pay a visit to your local salon or hair establishment to get your hands on this fine hair product and it’s gonna cost you a little more than your garden variety Pantene, but when it comes to shampoo you really can’t skimp. The shampoo and conditioner are A-level products, but the key to the whole shebang is really the ThickLift Liquid Volumizer. This leave-in densifying treatment creates ultra thickness, volume and shine without the weigh-down. Essential!

3) A good blow dryer

A good blow dryer is a must unless you prefer your hair be flat and lifeless. The key here is balance; those dinky travel blow dryers won’t do it, but you don’t want to overpower your hair either or dry it to a crisp. Find a good blow dryer with adjustable settings, and always maintain a healthy distance from your dermis. “Dermis” is kind of a funny word, isn’t it? Say that out loud a few times and it starts to sound funny. Dermis. Dermis. Dermis. What the fuck is a dermis? ANYWAY, I like to use a hair brush with wide teeth, mainly as a guide. You need some poof, so don’t go overboard with the brushing. No irons allowed! Straight hair is not metal.

HAIR CARE 101 WITH RONNIE JAMES DIO4) Beware the combover

Nothing’s worse than a bald man trying to cover his beautiful dome with a swept-over tuft of hair. If you’ve got it, flaunt it! Let’s see those shiny skullcaps!

5) Wax

Once I’m finished with my hair routine, I like to polish my top to give it that extra shiny zest; when thousands of megawatts worth of lights are pouring down upon my head, I want to make damn sure it looks good. We may be wasting energy and killing baby seals in the Alaskan pipeline, but shit, when that spotlight comes on I want the audience to go blind from the reflection. But here’s the thing: any product that bills itself as Head Wax is probably full of shit. That’s way I use car wax instead. After testing myriad products, I have determined that Turtle Wax ICE Liquid Polish is far and away the best product for head waxing in existence. I like to go with 2 or 3 coats; you don’t want it melting down into your face on those hot summer nights.

Skulleteers unite. There’s no shame in balding!

HORNS!

– Ronnie James Dio

*Not really.

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