OZZY OSBOURNE TO WORLD: “I STILL HAVE TOO MUCH CREDIBILITY LEFT”

Holy cocksucking piece of fucking shit, Vince and I go away for a few days and everything falls to crap. I didn’t even check on metal news for the entire weekend, and then I wake up this morning to see terrible piece of news after terrible piece of news filling my inbox and RSS reader. I should have just dropped 48 tabs of acid all at once and been done with it all.

So, first up: Ozzy fucking Osbourne and the whore sucking his life force away his wife Succubus Sharon Osbourne are going to host a fucking variety show, which apparently has the working title of The Osbournes: Loud and Dangerous. They wanted to call the show Barely Able to Sing Anymore and Perfectly Harmless but Atreyu have already snagged that moniker for the title of their next album.

ANYWAY, the show is being produced by Fox exec Mike Darnell (pictured above), the “alternative programming” (read: reality shows) behind every piece of crap reasonable, sane people have been avoiding for the past decade (see: American Idol, Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire?, MILF Island, Who Wants to Fuck a Midget?, etc.).

I don’t even know what to say about Ozzy anymore. I guess I should be used to my heroes growing old, fat, and lame, but fer Chrissakes – isn’t this the dude who used to bite heads off of things and pee on national monuments and try to kill his wife in the midst of psychotic breakdowns? And now he’s gonna try and be Ed motherfucking Sullivan? Why? He doesn’t have enough money already?

Sigh. It’s gonna be a terrible week.

-AR