FINALLY, the Metal Musician Action Figures You REALLY Want

I’m going to assume, for a moment, that you’re a total dork who enjoys things like toys of musicians you admire. Nothing to be ashamed of: plenty of us do. And even if you don’t, well, just pretend you do for now.

Okay. So: now think long and hard about which metal musicians you might like to own in figurine form. There’s obviously been no shortage of such products surrounding metal’s heaviest hitters like Metallica, Ozzy, and, of course, the kings of merchandising, KISS. But what about when you imagine owning an action figure/bobblehead/whatever of someone a little more obscure? Then who would you want as a little plastic doll? Devin Townsend? Joe Duplantier? Abbath?

How about Doro Pesch’s backing band?

Yeah, that’s what I thought. And yet, this is a real thing that is happening: a German company called Staramba is manufacturing both Doro “and her entire band as incredible 3D figures in different sizes.”

Doro’s band, as you probably know, currently includes such all-star sidemen as Zakk Wylde, Vinnie Appice, and Steve DiGiorgio. Kidding. As of this writing, her backing musicians include the drummer from Britny Fox, a guitarist who toured with Blaze Bayley, and the bassist from the solo band of one of the guys from Savatage.

So I guess my question is this: who the fuck are these for???

If, for some unfathomable reason, your answer to my question is, “Me! THESE ARE FOR ME!!!“, you can buy ’em here. They also sell Doro herself, which is the one you most likely actually want.