The Nu-Metal Revival Apocalypse is Here!!!

We’ve been predicting the nu-metal revival apocalypse pretty much since the inception of MetalSucks, but the new Issues song settles it once and for all: IT HAS ARRIVED.

Exhibit A: Issues.

It happened in stages. First nu-metal bands started packaging together for tours on the nostalgia circuit. Then, as Sergeant D so scientifically explained, it became cool to talk about these bands as “legendary” when the “endless cycle in which the ‘trendy garbage’ of yesteryear becomes the ‘classics’ of tomorrow, forever and ever” culminated for nu-metal. And now here we are in 2014 when young bands aren’t just incorporating nu-metal tropes into their sound (ala Suicide Silence circa 2009) but are making real actual nu-metal that [almost] sounds like it could’ve been released in 1997. Sergeant D, once again, predicted this: the man is an expert!

Of course Issues update nu-metal for the modern age by incorporating every horrible metal trend of 1997 with every horrible metal trend of today. It’s like a roll call of shitty taste in metal. Downtuned nu-metal riffs? Here! Muscular tough guys fighting in music video? Here! Djenty bounce, good cop / bad cop vocals, god awful clean-sung, auto-tuned chorus? Here! Knee-high socks, bleach blond hair? Here! Self-righteous suburban teenage angst? It’s right in the band’s name! And the DJ, the friggin’ DJ… that’s the kicker. I didn’t think scratching would ever come back.

Inevitably this band will be very popular. Go think on that over your lunch this afternoon then off yourself in the office bathroom stall.