Tim Lambesis’ Austrian Death Machine Win the “Yeah No Sh*t” Award

Did you contribute to the crowdfunding campaign for Triple Brutal, the new album from Tim Lambesis’ Austrian Death Machine? Did you donate such an amount that you’re technically owed some face time with Mr. Lambesis himself? Are you still thinking that this is somehow actually going to happen despite the fact that the dude is on trial for attempted murder? Well, sorry friend — ADM have posted the following message on their Facebook page:According to The PRP, this specifically effects 104 people:

“As part of the crowdfunding campaign, 99 people each donated $99 for personal workouts withLambesis and a copy of the album. 3 others chipped in $500 a piece to have Lambesis be their personal trainer for the month (as well as a copy of the album, workout book and more.) Meanwhile, one lone fan paid $1500 to record vocals on a song.”

I would assume that whomever paid that fifteen hundred bucks to be on the album recorded his or her part a long time ago; insofar as the other 103 fans go, I can’t really imagine anyone wanting to work out with Tim Lambesis anyway in light of his admission of steroid abuse (to say nothing of the fact that working out with an alleged would-be murderer outside of prison walls would probably just feel really weird and creepy). But who knows, maybe these are all sycophants who want what they paid for. I wonder if the band is legally allowed to swap out the prizes or if they’re obligated to refund those fans’ money? I know that Indiegogo, where the campaign was housed, are “not liable nor responsible for the fulfillment of Perks,” but they also require the artist “To fulfill all Perks.” No idea how you reconcile these two things.