Clown from Slipknot Directed the New Hollywood Undead Video

Slipknot’s Shawn “Clown” Crahan, the only rockstar in history to have made his fortune hitting a keg with an aluminum baseball bat, directed the new Hollywood Undead video, for a song called “We Are.” There’s some nice cinematography in the clip, but mostly, Clown constructs a narrative the same way he speaks, which is to say, I’m not sure that anyone besides him knows what he thinks he’s communicating.

When not rapping into the camera in a hallway despite the fact that you can’t see their faces and are thus basically just watching statues wave their arms around*, the members of Hollywood Undead are involved in various dramatic scenarios, such as:

• Wasting a serious amount of cocaine by using it to write song lyrics
• Channel surfing with a young girl and reasonably destroying multiple televisions when there’s nothing good on
• Robbing a convenience store that has no employees to protect it and then firing a gun anyway just because
• Going to church and praying to photographs of the other members of the group
• Concluding an alleyway meeting with a goombah by setting said goombah on fire and then raising the torch triumphantly like you were Braveheart and you just defeated the British army
• Not fixing those goddamn lightbulbs

But far and away my favorite storyline is that of the guy with the Two-Face looking mask. He’s running down the stairs — from what we don’t know, but it’s clear that he’s scared and trying to get away from something. Then he comes to a fence, which is only slightly taller than he is. However, there’s some barb wire at the top of the fence, so he can’t hop it to make his escape. Unless he moves about two feet to his right, where there is no barb wire.

But he doesn’t do that! Instead, he just cowers and waits to be taken by some kids with potato sacks on their heads. The end.

And I guess Clown really liked Two-Facey best, also, because he uses this one shot of the two twice — once at the 1:39 mark and again at the 2:33.

So yeah if anyone thinks they understand what’s going on in this video, congratulations, you have clearly done a LOT of fucking angel dust over the years and somehow survived. Good on you.

*I would sincerely LOVE to know if they even bothered lip-synching under there. I mean… why would they? What would be the point? Just to energize themselves?