SADDEST. STORY. EVER.

Phil Buerstatte (above, first on the left) was in White Zombie for two years following the release of their 1992 breakthrough album, La Sexorcisto: Devil Music, Vol. 1, although he didn’t record drums for that, or any other, White Zombie album. That makes him one one unlucky musician (no royalties… bummer), but he probably takes solace in the warm glow of memories of playing hit songs like “Thunder Kiss ’65” and, um, “Thunder Kiss ’65” in front of big crowds that were going totally apeshit. Must have been awesome.

This probably feels less awesome:

Police in Sausalito, California have arrested a man named Loren Breckenridge for attempting to pay for a four-week stay in a rehab facility (!) with a fake check (!!), and discovered that not only does Breckenridge claim to be Buerstatte, but he has outstanding warrants in Florida and Minnesota for similar crimes, where he also claimed to be a “rock star” at rehab facilities. Which isn’t even the really sad part. The really sad part is that THE COPS CAN’T FIGURE OUT WHETHER OR NOT THIS DUDE REALLY IS BUERSTATTE. That name could be a pseudonym or a stage name, or this dude could just be some other guy claiming to Buerstatte, presumably because he knows that no one can readily identify the real Buerstatte.

I mean, come ON, you can’t make this shit up.

I can’t even find a decent photo of poor Buerstatte without his bandmates online, and there are even some photos identifying Buerstatte’s replacement, John Tempesta, as Buerstatte. And it was around the time of this realization that I decided, hell, just give this poor guy whatever the hell he wants. Hire a lingerie model to shove a opium suppositories up his ass all day long if that’s what he wants. He seems to exist in a world where literally nobody loves or cares about him. I’m game to cut him some slack. Sheesh.

-AR

[via Classic Rock]