THIS COMMERCIAL FOR VINCE NEIL’S STRIP CLUB IS REAL

Vince Neil has opened a strip club in Las Vegas called — what else? — Girls, Girls, Girls (I wonder if he had to pay the other members of Motley Crue just to use that title?). And now he’s released a television commercial for that strip club (above). And that commercial is pretty much the weirdest thing ever, for the following reasons:

• Vince’s opening line is, “Welcome to my new strip club, Vince Neil’s Girls, Girls, Girls. But the only music you’re gonna hear here is total rock n’ roll.” Let’s ignore the terrible homophone usage in that sentence and concentrate instead on the word “but.” That word implies a contrast between what one would expect and what actually exists. For example, “If you saw Vince Neil in 1984, you might think he was pretty cool, but he actually turned out to be a total d-bag.” So what is the contrast between the name of Vince’s club and the fact that you’ll only hear rock music at said club? Why would you use the word “but” there? Was he afraid that the word “girls” would lead people to assume that this was a children’s establishment where Disney songs provided the soundtrack? Eight seconds into the commercial, and we’re already all stupider for having watched it.
• One blonde slides down the length of Vince during the course of the ad, and at first I assumed they were implying Vince was getting a BJ. (I’m also assuming this commercial is only airing during late night programming, and, not, like, in the middle of an episode of Dora the Explorer.) ‘Cept then she turns around and smiles at the camera for no real reason and we can see that Vince’s fly is zipped, so either she has super powers and her tongue can go through solid matter, or she was just having a very close look at the crotch area of Vince’s pants. I’m guessing it’s the latter. Because there is nothing sexier than a girl getting really close to where your penis would be if you were naked and then just looking at that spot.
• Three girls were given the easiest line of dialogue in the history of sync sound to share — “Vince! Oh Vince! We’re ready for our audition…” — and yet, after the second “Vince,” there is an incredibly long pause, as though someone had to change the cue card before the girls could continue, because they couldn’t remember this one line.
• Vince Neil brazenly endorses the use of a casting couch, implying he can’t get pussy if he doesn’t pay for it.
• Every woman in the commercial looks terrifying. I feel like I need to be tested for STDs just from watching this thing.

So, yeah. I’m sold. MetalSucks class trip? Who’s in?

-AR

[via Bring Back Glam]