AND YOU WONDER WHY I’M SO CYNICAL

Coal Chamber were one of the most deplorable poxes that nu-metal visited upon the earth. They were so terrible, in fact, that when Dez Fafara quit the band to go do DevilDriver, a lot of people wouldn’t even give that project a chance. But I did give them a chance, and I thought, “Hey, these dudes are pretty good!”, and then I spent a lot of time trying to convince other Coal Chamber-haters that Fafara had atoned for his sins, and his new offering deserved a fair listen.

So of course I have now been rewarded for my efforts with a Coal Chamber reunion.

And I was about to type “Well at least this happened in Australia, about as far away from where I live as someplace could be while remaining on the planet,” when I realized that if I gave into this kind of upbeat thinking, I would be allowing Fafara to dupe me for a second time: of COURSE Coal Chamber’s reunion will come to America. In fact, I’d be (pleasantly) surprised if the return of C&C Music Factory didn’t mean that DevilDriver was on hiatus for awhile. (‘Cause even broken fingers can’t stop the Coal Chamber train.) Fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice, blah blah blah. It’s like my ancestors used to say in The Old Country: “Never trust a dude with a facial tattoo.”

I need a fucking drink.

-AR