BONE YOUR OLD LADY WITH A SLAYER CONDOM THIS VALENTINE’S DAY

Still have no idea what to get your loved one this Valentine’s Day? How about buying them a special Valentine’s Day-themed SLAYER t-shirt with a FREE Slayer condom? That’s right, folks: you could be dipping your Slayer-adorned dong in your lady’s pink clam while yelling “Fucking Slaaaaaayyyyyerrrrr!” at the top of your lungs and you’d actually be telling the truth. That’s a once in a lifetime opportunity that seems too good to pass up!

Visit the Slayer webshop to take advantage of this special deal (which, at $26.99 per shirt plus an item that’s given away for free at most bars, actually isn’t a very special deal at all). There’s one t-shirt design for men and one for women, so whichever way you swing there’s something for your partner (but let’s be honest, we know for a fact that 90% of MetalSucks readers are dudes).

Upon closer inspection, the condom actually just looks like a regular Durex in Slayer packaging. Man, they really missed an opportunity to make something especially sick and twisted. So, if you’re really hard up for a gift and your loved one likes Slayer… buy an overpriced t-shirt.

-VN