THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR TORTURES ASKING ALEXANDRIA FOR YOUR AMUSEMENT

So it looks like my boyhood hero, The Ultimate Warrior, is getting his own reality web series, The Warrior Show, in which he tortures various Sumerian bands because… I really have no idea why this exists, actually. It obviously has nothing to do with music. The Warrior tells the band “I want you to prove the haters wrong,” but speaking as a hater, I don’t know how this will achieve that goal; I mean, it’s not like being in tip-top physical shape will make I See Stars’ music any better — and there are plenty of talented fat dudes in extreme music. So is it is just good cross-promotion? I can’t imagine young fans of Sumerian bands care about The Ultimate Warrior, and I can’t imagine old fans of The Ultimate Warrior care about young Sumerian bands. Then again, I am writing about this now, so I guess there’s publicity to be had. Huzzah!

ANYWAY, there have been a few teasers for this thing released over the past few weeks, but this was the first one to make me laugh hard enough to wanna post it. That’s mostly due to the presence of Asking Alexandria (or, as they were referred to by the crowd when opening for Guns N’ Roses in New Jersey a couple of weeks ago, “Where the Fuck are Buckcherry?!?”). Not only did the band apparently bring their girlfriends/groupies/whatever to their Warrior workout (and The Warrior immediately tells the ladies to go “find something else to do,” because we all know that girls can’t play sports!), and not only did they wear silly cowboy boots to said workout, but they drank heavily right before starting their session, thus ensuring their status as the front-runners for this year’s MacArthur Genius Grant. And the punchline is, The Ultimate Warrior screams at them a lot, makes them wear heavy chains while they run, and displays no sympathy when they puke.

So, basically, either the members of Asking Alexandria are incredibly dumb, or they were willing to look incredibly dumb on camera for the sake of this show being as entertaining as possible. Either way, we all win, and we all lose.

I know the aforementioned I See Stars are also on one of these episodes, but I’m profoundly curious as to whether or not any of Sumerian’s heavier bands are going to participate. It’s hard for me to imagine the dudes from The Faceless or Veil of Maya letting a former pro-wrestler scream at them for several hours for no discernible reason, but I guess stranger things have happened.

-AR

[via Metal Injection]