WELL, THIS TOUR LINEUP SURE DOES BLOW

ROTFLOL at the name “AllStars Tour.” HAHAHAHAA hahahaha! I mean, wow. As Metal Insider‘s Zach Shaw states, “I’d look at this tour as more of a farm league tour. It’s not like the majority of the tour is ready to be called up to the majors just yet…” Baaahahaha

Whew. Anyway.

Exactly one band on this tour is worth seeing (After the Burial, who oughtta inspire immediate ball-hair growth amongst the audience’s 12-year old boys). In the contest of any ordinary tour I wouldn’t be that interested in Born of Osiris, but surrounded by such suckitude I guess I’ll give them a mulligan here for “bands worth seeing.” I know Axl would heartily endorse Iwrestledabearonce (me, not so much, but we can still be friends), so let’s just say that together Born of Osiris + IWABO = 1 band worth seeing. But the rest of this lineup? Holy dick on a cake, I wouldn’t piss on this lineup if it was on fire. On the bright side, at least they’re all in one place; none of these bands will be polluting otherwise solid lineups between the dates of July 22nd and August 22nd.

-VN