UNNECESSARY ROUGHNESS: THE RED CHORD’S GREG WEEKS TAKES ON THE NFL, WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM JOB FOR A COWBOY’S JON “THE CHARN” RICE

Oh snap!!! During Monday night football last week, down-on-his-luck Saints running back Reggie Bush snapped his fibula. After realizing he was hurt, Reggie attempted to walk on the broken leg. It reminded me of a video I once saw. In the video, a guy was on PCP and being chased by the cops. He jumped off of a second story parking garage and landed on his side. He completely shattered one of his legs, got up and attempted to run again. It was fucking gross! After falling a couple of times, due to the perp’s now-rubber leg, the cops easily apprehended him. In short, I think the NFL should have a week where every team is on PCP. Even non-football fans would tune in.

Even though it’s an exciting week for football — Texas vs. Texas (Texas won!), Drew Brees on 60 Minutes (how is Andy Rooney still alive?), and still no Roethlisberger (and the Steelers can’t lose) — I took it upon myself to mix this blog up a bit. Knowing I’d be more focused on the season premiere of Eastbound and Down than highlights, I decided to call up a fellow football fan and ask him a couple questions. His name is Charn, he has an amazing throwing arm, and he plays drums for Job For A Cowboy.

G: How did you get into football?

C: My father’s a huge Steelers fan. Sundays were playing catch with him and watching football.

Add yard work and my father screaming at the TV during game time, and our youth Sundays were practically the same. Being a Steelers fan, do you think the four game suspension was just?

For someone who’s dumb enough to do it once and get caught, you’d think he would’ve learned. You don’t have to drug and rape a girl from Georgia if you’re Ben Roethlisberger. He’s retarded!

He’s awkward and shaped like a mattress. Maybe he does need to drug them. Do you think he should start his first game back?

Yes, absolutely. We’re lucky to have the best defense in the league but we can’t keep pulling out wins with second and third string quarterbacks.

I’ve played catch with you in many a venue parking lot across this great nation. You have a rocket for an arm. Did you ever think about being a QB instead of a drummer?

I thought about it everyday in high school, but I’m a scrawny little prick so it never happened.

Yes, you are. Have you ever thrown your sticks out at a show and had the audience get bummed at the Steelers logo?

Certain cities, definitely. Most are just happy to get something from a band they came to see. One time I hung my Steelers jersey on my kick drum in Baltimore and got booed. My band was bummed out.

My band gets bummed out when I catch a couple innings of a baseball game on tour because I usually make it to the stage when we should be playing. Oops. Super Bowl predictions?

Steelers and someone from the NFC.

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Thanks to Charn (who is gearing up for a European headlining tour in November) for the time. I probably misquoted him on account of not really paying attention to his answers. See you next week!!!

-GW

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Photo credit: Chris Fulcher