SO APPARENTLY BRENT HINDS IS ACTUALLY IN JONAH HEX

In case ya didn’t hear, Jonah Hex shit the bed at the box office this weekend, getting trounced by the third film in a kiddie franchise, the fifth film in a different kiddie franchise, a movie based on a thirty year old television series, and a movie with Lars Ulrich in it. I’m sure the Mastodon dudes are humbled to know that the Metallicats can still school them.

ANYWAY, a friend of mine actually did see the movie and gave me a little report. He asked that I not use his name, since he wants to be spared the embarrassment of admitting that he actually paid to see this drek. So I’m not going to tell you his name. It does not rhyme with Rank Friley.

The friend did want me to report, however, that Brent Hinds has a cameo in the movie, playing a soldier on a train which is – SPOILER ALERT! – promptly blown to smithereens by the bad guy (John Malkovich, for a change). Still, he says, the look on Hinds’ face during the scene was “pretty funny… like he was drunk or something.” Maybe Hinds already knew how awful the movie was going to be.

The friend also told me that even though the score has a lot of guitars, none it really sounds like Mastodon – save for some music which played over the closing credits. I asked him to go into more detail, to which he responded, “It sounds like Mastodon without vocals. And I think there was a fiddle. I dunno, you’re the writer, you go see it and think of something fancy to say.”

But I ain’t gonna fucking do that.

Mastodon’s Jonah Hex EP will be out June 29 on Warner Bros. If for some reason you wanna see the movie, I’d recommend you do it ASAP, as it will most likely get pulled from theaters very, very soon.

-AR